My evolution to neoreactionary thought was a long odyssey that involved extensive training, most of which I performed on myself.
First I had to be talked out of socialism by my libertarian uncle, who simply argued with me relentlessly until I lost every last argument for state interference in the economy—a position I held out of a burning rage at the "injustices" of inequality.
Then I had to take not one, but TWO classes in philosophy. The first was a class in symbolic logic, which ironically, did not teach me to be logical. The second was a class taught by a feminist professor of all things. That did teach me to be logical because of her relentless take down of all my arguments using her merciless technique of criticizing every logical fallacy that came out of my mouth. I learned in that class how to finally think straight. I also eventually learned that unprincipled exceptions do not make for the basis of a legitimate philosophy.
Then I was unjustly accused of being a racist by a socialist. This led me to investigate equality itself. I believed at the time that I could prove humans were equal. My studies proved that assertion incorrect.
Then I had to do extensive readings from libertarian sites like The Mises Institute.
That led me to the manosphere and to The Last Psychiatrist, and to Dalrock, which then led to the now defunct (very high quality) site Anarcho-Papist, and then to Nick Lands essay The Dark Enlightenment and to Unqualified Reservations, which I have now read most of.
So consider this. To become neoreactionary requires being talked out of every natural human impulse that you have. It also requires learning how to think straight (without fallacies). Most humans cannot think properly because fallacious reasoning and cognitive biases are hard coded into DNA.
So what have I gained from all this? Well, know that I know longer believe in equality I know longer have the pain of hating a world that I cannot change. In many ways I am more emotionally healthy now. It is my sincere belief that all power systems control people by giving them pain so they can be controlled / manipulated into serving the system. Progressive racialism gives you pain by making you rage against an original sin that can never be defeated (white privilege / systematic racism etc.). Christianity gives you guilt over your mistakes (sins) so that you keep coming back to the altar. Equality, as a doctrine, gives you pain over inequality, an "injustice" that can never be alleviated since it can never be solved. What better way to keep people voting / tithing / paying / supporting a power structure than by giving them psychological suffering that only the priest / social justice warrior / Democratic party can solve?
GIVE THEM PAIN. Then you can charge them to take it away, or at least make white self-haters vote the way you want them to.
Think about it. Any system that actually freed you from pain would go bankrupt from a lack of attendance or power. All surviving power structures survive precisely because they do not solve the problem they are supposed to. If they did they would become obsolete. They must not deliver on the promise of salvation / equality / whatever, to stay in business.
After all, equality could be achieved with eugenics by genetically enhancing the poor. Notice that this is the one thing that is forbidden by their ideology. Can't put the priest out of business now! Gots to get dat money and power.
So I've gained something, but what have I lost? Well, quite a few girls won't fuck you if you hold these political opinions. It also isolates you socially. What good is being woke if you can never share what you know with the people who surround you? I am always keeping my mouth shut these days, and I have alienated people by saying even watered down versions of my viewpoint.
So would I do it again? Would I trade a gain of emotional serenity for a loss of social isolation, lost booty calls, and never ending silence?
In fact if I had a time machine I would say to my past self, "ignore your fucking uncle and remain a socialist. You'll get more pussy that way, and you'll have more friends."