Thursday, May 25, 2017

Long long ago, on a planet called Retard. . .


There was a species of robots called Imbecile. Imbeciles have no original opinions. They believe only what they are told, and nothing more. Bots are literally incapable of original thought, even though they believe there is a "marketplace of ideas." But of course they were told to believe in the marketplace of ideas, so they do.

All the robot Imbeciles of planet Retard are divided into two factions: the "Tolerance-bots," and the "Skygod-bots." To the "tolerance-bots," everything and everyone is racist. They repeat their programming over and over, saying "we must tolerate everything always," and "that's racist! that's racist! that's racist!" This is all they ever say. The Tolerance-bots are programmed by a machine called Indoctrination. Like all bots of planet Retard they are incapable of escaping their programming.

In contrast to the Tolerance-bots, the Skygod-bots worship an invisible robot in the sky called Allah. Allah gave them a magic programming code a thousand years ago which tells them to kill all robots that refuse to worship Skygod. Many suspect that the Skygod-bot was really just a machine like Indoctrination, and not really in the sky at all. They like to walk in vast circular herds around a meteorite that their programmer, Mohamed-bot, once stood on.

Mostly the Skygod-bots say over and over again, "God is great!" while blowing things up. They have few other thoughts. Their programming is very basic.

One day the Tolerance-bots decided to start a war with the Skygod-bots. This was paradoxical because their motto is tolerance. But the Tolerance-bots secretly worship money, and the Skygod-bots had resources that could be exploited.

Of course the Skygod-bots went completely berserk and began bombing Tolerance-bots. The Elite leadership of the Tolerance-bots did not mind this because the bombs were targeted to ordinary bots, and not themselves, and because the bombings gave further justification for invading and taking the resources of the the Skygod-bots. Since all high and mighty elite Tolerance-bots really care about is money, and since war is money, they desired to perpetuate the conflict. Meanwhile the common Tolerance-bots suffered greatly, and common Tolerance-bots just kept repeating their programming over and over again; "we mustn't be racist!" "we are tolerant!" "all other bots are racist." etc.

The massive death toll that the Tolerance-bots suffered eventually gave birth, through robotic natural selection, to a new breed of Tolerance-bots: the Intolerance-bots.

The symbol of the Intolerance-bots was an upright raised arm, which they pointed at their leadership, whom they worshiped as gods. The intolerance-bots had new programming, and would say things like, "gas the kikes. Race war now!" and, "hail victory!"

Like two great forces of nature the Intolerance-bots met the Skygod-bots on the field of battle. A nuclear holocaust ensued. To this day, planet Retard is a radiation blasted hellscape, filled with deformed and malfunctioning robots. The self-aware bots on planet Retard have been purged, and all that remains are various deformed species of animal bots, insect bots, and plant bots. Retard is devoid of all intelligent life.

And all that it took to prevent this great catastrophe was for robots to learn how to have original thoughts, or for elite high Tolerance-bots to stop worshiping money long enough to prioritize their peoples interest. Or maybe all it took was for the Tolerance-bots to realize that their own elites want to destroy them for profit. Or maybe the Skygod-bots could have shifted their tactics and started bombing elite tolerance-bots instead of common Imbeciles. After all, the only reason the elite Tolerance-bots feel secure in their profits is because they are not targeted by their own puppet Skygod-bots. If the Skygod-bots made a campaign of murdering elite Tolerance-bots these bots would give up their pursuit of money in foreign lands and prioritize safety instead.


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